Wow! I am completely elated.  I need to pinch myself. My dream has become a reality. Me–enrolled in a premiere coaching school, internationally acclaimed and accredited by the International Coach Federation. Yes!!!!!

What was I thinking an hour later (better yet 24 hours later, when the thoughts had become pervasive)?

How in h*** am I going to accomplish this? What was I thinking? And even more importantly, how am I going to do it to perfection?

What was I thinking after I had a chance to decompress, get a little bit (ok, a lot) of sleep, and sort through my assignments and commitments?

Knock it off, Luanne. This is your biggest enemy to learning – the need to get it right. If you don’t begin to look at learning as an opportunity to make mistakes–get it all wrong–you won’t learn what you need to. Always cautious and careful – never daring to take a risk.

What am I thinking now?

With this new awareness, I can make some better choices. First, I can reframe what it means to learn something. Maybe I need to frame learning as knowing something in my heart and soul. Knowing something isn’t getting others to say, “Wow! Look at how well you did.” Or getting universal approval. Knowing something is about experiencing it, feeling it in my body and emotionally connecting with it. It’s also about being able to apply what I have learned to make a difference in the world. I may be able to make a bigger difference by having experienced it “wrong” once or twice.

And finally, learning is really about the joy of getting curious – discovering something new – rather than the emotional pain that comes with having to be perfect. It’s about exploring the unknown and the undiscovered – in others and in myself.

What are your enemies of learning? What is keeping you from knowing? Consider the following possibilities as presented by Chalmers Brothers, author of Language and the Pursuit of Happiness. Is it:

• Your inability to admit, “I don’t know”?
• Your belief that you should already know?
• Your distrust of the person teaching you?
• Your making everything overly significant?
• Your forgetting that your body is a domain of learning? Practice is putting your body into it. When you don’t practice, you don’t get results. The capacity for new action is about doing. It’s not head learning or memorization.

Choose to “befriend” the following, as suggested by Chalmers:

• Willingness to declare “I don’t know”
• Listening
• Openness
• Respect and admiration for your “teacher”
• Willingness to question your own questions
• A mood of perplexity and curiosity

Who knows what you might learn and what you might accomplish as a result? Vanquish your own enemies to learning and a universe of knowledge can be yours.

Image by NASA

My knowledge of emotional intelligence took hold, and I couldn’t simply walk away complaining, “It’s all his fault.” So I decided to step up to the plate, practice what I teach at VoicePro®, and use some tried and true communication skills. The first step was to gain a deeper understanding by analyzing what had taken place. The analysis went something like this:

Needless to say, tension was high. Drawers were slammed, and the goodbyes were a bit less loving. For both of us, the day started off all wrong. 

So, having analyzed the exchange, what can I take away? What responsibility do I have for this not-so-happy outcome? What leadership and communication skills could I have employed?

• I could have paid attention to the climate – what was going on around us that might have interfered with good communication.
• When I saw his “head in the computer,” I might have noted it was not the time to remark, “I need to leave early tomorrow,” and expect him to hear me.
• I could have communicated my expectations more clearly. If I needed him to take an early shower, it might have helped if I had shared that expectation with him before the fact.
• I could have recognized that sometimes it’s not worth being right.

Yes, I did tell him I needed to leave early the next morning. So what? He didn’t hear me. The mere fact that I needed to prove I had told him escalated emotion on both our parts. Now we both needed to be right. Now we both dug our heels in. Now neither of us was listening.

To avoid a negative interaction with someone important in your life – whether at work or at home – follow the advice we give in  Results & Relationships™ :

1. When you’re communicating, pay attention to the climate.
2. Communicate what you expect.
3. Remind yourself that sometimes being right isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

If things do go wrong and you have an unintended flare-up, analyze what took place for a deeper understanding. Use the left hand/right hand column approach (as I did), paying attention to thoughts and feelings, as well as actions and words. It’s amazing what you’ll learn.

Image by Mintball 

Why does the fear of speaking rank so high? When people are asked to speak in front of a live audience, alarming thoughts can quickly surface: “What will they think of me?”  “Will I be good enough?” “They’re judging me, so I must be perfect.” “I’ve got to get it right, or I’ll…fall apart…never be successful…ruin my career…be hated by everyone…look stupid…FAIL….” And on and on and on. When you choose to think about something as benign as public speaking in this manner, the impact is not good – for your desired outcome, for your audience, or for yourself.

Thoughts like these rarely help. In fact, they work against you. Before you know it, you’re in a fight-or-flight mode – your heart rate quickens, your breath gets shallow and high, your palms sweat, you start to fidget, you shake, you talk way too fast, etc. The most upsetting outcome is that you are at your absolute worst at a time when you need to be at your best.

If you find yourself reacting like this, you can follow the steps VoicePro® recommends in its programs. You can breathe deeply (pushing your first breath out, followed by a deep breath in). Focus on your audience–really seeing them–will also make a difference. If you do what it takes to prepare sufficiently for the interaction, which is often half the battle, you will feel ready and raring to go. This will lead to a less anxious and fearful you.

But the above actions are just that – actions. It’s said that if you don’t like the results of what you’re doing, do something different. And though that may be true to some degree, actions alone won’t have the impact you desire  when you get up to give a presentation. So I suggest that, in addition, you do something about those debilitating thoughts that cause you so much trouble. You approach the entire event by reframing how you think about it.

With your new thinking you’ll rid yourself of fear and anxiety. You’ll experience “new” emotions such as enjoyment, anticipation, and a sense of belonging. You’ll feel supportive and helpful, not preachy. The presence of these new feelings will be all you need to overcome what you fear the most.

I’m here to say, the evening was worth the discomfort for one reason alone. Passion! I was able to experience passion on many levels that evening; the passion the staff and chefs at the institute had for their work and their students, my daughter’s passion for the possibilities of becoming a baker (not to mention a Food Network star), and my passion for the phenomenal flourless chocolate cake that was set in front of me and that I gobbled down with gusto.

It was easy to understand the zeal with which I attacked the cake. And I know of my daughter’s passion to enter this work because of the long talks we’ve had and the excitement with which she has shared her hopes and dreams. But how did I recognize the passion of the staff? After all, I hadn’t met them before. For all I knew this was just a job to them. They had been forced to brave the weather, just as I had. And surely, after all the times they had been through this exercise, their ardor would have cooled.

Not so. With every word, with every move, and with every interaction they had with the students and with the audience, their exuberance rang out loud and clear. Their voices were strong and vibrant. Their faces lit up with a light that can only come from the inside. They were alive physically, their movements sure, and their gestures open and genuine. I could easily picture everything they described. They made a strong personal connection with everyone in the audience, willing to share their passion with all who were willing to listen. The result? I want my daughter to experience what they have to offer. And, even more important, my daughter wants what they have to offer (and she is NOT an easy sell)!

When we speak of passion at VoicePro®, we refer to the many implications it has on the effectiveness of our communication with other people – conveying genuine authenticity, making an emotional connection with the audience, being able to “ditch” the script and have a real conversation, helping others experience what you want them to experience because you see it as real – in your head and most importantly, in your heart.

The next time you go before a group of people to speak, find the passion for your subject within you. Take the time to connect with it. Ditch the script, Speak from your heart and, like the staff and chefs at ICASI, inspire your audience to join you in your pursuit, whatever it may be.

Image by segismundoart

Preparing for an upcoming event can lead to greater balance. You can also take certain actions to recover from a trying moment – taking steps after the fact to “find your balance.” According to Dr. Heller, seeking greater balance through the actions you take before and after the event are relatively easy. It is when you are faced with the need to have balance in the moment that things get a bit dicey.

Being able to find balance in the moment, especially in the moments you are interacting with others, is a challenge – to say the least. Let’s face it, as soon as another person enters the moment, things get complicated. Your thoughts can trigger emotions, your passion can ramp up, and both can impact your language and your actions for a not so balanced outcome – for you, for them and for the relationship. Or, your body can literally stop you in your tracks, or the other person, simply due to your posture – for a total loss of balance.

When most people think of balance, they think of stillness. “I need stillness in order to achieve balance.” Yet how many of us are frequently still? Most people I know are in continuous motion. That being said, how will they ever achieve that desired state of balance?

What if for a moment you accepted the idea of being out of balance? That you decided it was ok to be off balance, instead of always trying to be in balance. With this new line of thinking you just might, according to Dr. Heller, minimize the guilt or shame associated with being out of balance. With that lack of guilt or shame, you just might find yourself finding balance a little more quickly. And, according to Dr. Heller, being out of balance is the root of our creativity.  Wow! Who would have thought that something we are trying to avoid – being out of balance – could bring about anything positive?

So, though being more accepting of being out of balance is a good idea, I think we would all agree that is not where we desire to live for a great length of time. So, how do we move through being out of balance more quickly?

• Be ok with being out of balance.
• Recognize the signs in the moment that tell you “I’m out of balance.” (a quickening of your breath, a tensing of your shoulders, a shift in your body’s center of gravity, etc.).
• Continue to breathe – deeply, silently, and frequently.
• Be comfortable with moments of silence and stillness in your interactions.
• Keep your posture open.

Image by hickoree

This team happens to be led by someone who approaches his work in a similar fashion. Although a focused leader, with definite goals in mind, he has a lightness about him. He takes his business seriously, but he doesn’t take himself too seriously. I believe he follows Ben Zander’s Rule #6 – “lighten up” (as described in his book, The Art of Possibility). And as a result those around him can do the same. What a marvelous gift he has given them, the freedom to be themselves  and enjoy the experience (which in this case was learning about how their behavior is viewed by others and impacts others). And, although this kind of newfound self-awareness can be intimidating, they still had fun.

How does this leader do it? The observer in me witnessed him in action, and though it may be more complex than what I’m about to share, I believe what I witnessed had an impact. His posture was open, his smile was easy, and his conversation was focused on each individual he interacted with – his eyes never left the person he was engaged with. His energy was contagious. As we teach, espouse, advocate in our Executive Presence^TM program, just his physical presence motivated people to follow suit.

I invite you to play with the power of your physical presence. The next time you are interacting with your team make an effort to:

• Smile
• Maintain an open posture
• Relax your face
• Laugh at something humorous (or share something humorous)

Pay attention to the reaction you get from them. Ask yourself:

• Was the conversation easier?
• Did you find that your interaction was closer to a dialogue – one where true exchange of facts and feelings occurred?
• Do you feel a sense of easiness that may not have been there before?

Let me know what happened. I’d love to hear.

Image by andrewlee1967

Well, fast-forward to 2010, and I must say things are more than “Ok.” We have survived the storm, and have explored new opportunities in ways I never thought we could. But, I digress. Back to January and February of 2009. I found myself asking, “Just what will my next steps be in my career?” It was a question that popped up over and over again in the dark of the night – awakening me and keeping me awake. So, being who I am, I hired a coach – Jim Smith as a matter of fact. And he, with tremendous skill and insight, helped me figure out my next steps – steps that would work for me and for VoicePro^®.

One of the very big steps I decided to take was to sign up for the Newfield Coaching Training program, with the end goal having the Newfield and International Coach Federation certification. I am just beginning the pre-course learning that the Newfield Coach Training has offered me. I am so excited to stretch my boundaries and see the world through new lenses. And, with your permission I would love to take you along for the ride (so to speak). My world will be even richer if, through the sharing of my “aha” moments, you can benefit too.

 I have read my first “paper” and I am in the process of dissecting and analyzing it. I must say, that though I am not thinking, “Wow, that’s new. I never heard that before!” I am thinking, “Isn’t that concept framed in a new and interesting way?” And, “How might I apply this in my life – right now?”

 For example. According to Humberto Maturana, “Everything we say in relation to what we observe (the world) reveals the kind of observer we are.” As soon as I read this quote, I wanted to step outside myself and listen for the words that reveal just how I am observing my world. 

• Am I the distrustful person who states, “I’ll never be able to do this.”
• Am I the person who says, “Learning this is hard for me,” thus opening up to the possibilities at hand?
• Or am I the person who invites the assistance others can offer with a comment like, “I need help doing this.”

 It is exciting to me to know that my reaction to the world, the words I choose to define the experience or situation, will determine the possibilities for the actions I will take. I certainly see how our participants experience this reality in our programs. How they define their learning experience most definitely determines the actions they take within the program, and even more importantly the results they gain upon completion. For some reason, I haven’t really sat back and thought about the magnitude of this concept, and it’s impact on my world outside the classroom. I believe it’s time for me to pay more attention to the language I am using and what it says about me, and the actions I take that define my life.

So, I invite you to join me by doing the following:

• Become an observer of YOU! Pay attention as you interact with others.
• Listen to how you define the challenges facing you – personally or in the work place.
• What does your language have to say about how you approach your world?
• What kind of impact is it having on your outcomes?
• If you were to define it (speak about it) differently, would you get a different outcome?

 Let me know what you find out. I’d love to hear!

Image by http://www.flickr.com/photos/dexxus/2532351811/