You have just witnessed big-time small talk.  And that same scenario is true for all of us. A presentation starts long before people sit down at the conference room table.  The small talk at the beginning of a meeting – and for the weeks and months before that –establishes your personal and professional presence.  Your self-confidence shows and conveys that you’re comfortable, approachable and self-aware.  So in a way, small talk is one of the most important communications skills and sales presentation skills.   Certainly, it’s one of the defining characteristics of executive presence.

Even if you’re not making a major presentation, the ability to comfortably handle coffee-room small talk with your managers, peers and reports builds your credibility. It’s one of the leadership skills that builds trust in you and your abilities to connect, adapt and meet the world with confidence.

While some people seem to be natural at small talk, most of us need a little coaching and practice.  Even the people on TV have handlers who prep them and help them develop talking points.  Here’s a little small talk primer for all of us.

Prepare before you go. 

Brush up on local happenings or light news.  I know one woman who always skims the sports pages so she’s able to make small talk with her male clients. Read through a popular culture magazine for some timely topics. What are the reviews of a recent movie?  Check the New York Times best-seller list.  Restaurant reviews.  Even a recent news story – just avoid controversial topics or politics. 

Make business meetings work. 

 The small-talk time should be brief. Your goal is to establish rapport before getting started, priming everyone for a positive meeting. You might want to comment on the building or ask about the facility.  Notice an award or trophy.  You may also want to mention a colleague you have in common through work or your extracurricular life, if appropriate.

Networking events: relationships that get down to business.

All the topics for a business meeting are appropriate for networking events.  In addition, you may be able to chat about the purpose of the event.  Is it a fundraiser?  Talk about your and your conversation mate’s connection to the event.  You can share professional information (“What do you do when you’re not raising funds for the Cancer Society?”).   And, believe it or not, the weather is almost always a good place to start.

By the way, the goal of a networking event isn’t to build the fattest stack of business cards.  It’s about starting a relationship, so less may be more.  Make a genuine connection with someone, then exchange business cards as appropriate.

Ask a question.  Then really listen.

It’s what the teen magazines said about meeting people at your first high school dance.  And it’s still true today. Ask a question and you make a connection. Plus, you’re likely to uncover topics to keep the conversation going. 

Be sure you’re really listening, too.  Others sense whether you’re being genuine or just going through the motions.  You know the people who ask a question, then look past your left ear for their next target? Don’t be one of them.  Really listening means responding and having a dialog. It conveys authenticity and gives you a basis for future conversations. 

Feeling shy?  Breathe.  And smile.

Stand with an open posture and breathe deeply. A deep breath helps you relax, focus and smile.  If meeting people makes you nervous maybe the meeting organizer or the event host can introduce you to a few people to help break the ice. If you’re the person in charge, make that effort for others.  Some people get over their butterflies by setting a goal for the number of new contacts to make, and then make a game out of achieving it. Sounds less intimidating, doesn’t it?

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Your credibility is decided upon by other peoples’ perceptions of you and what they observe about you. So, being heard and believed requires you to be sensitive to your communication habits that convey — or undermine — your credibility. Some of us don’t harness our credibility, or we may even “sabotage” it in ways we don’t know.

To convey to others the qualities that will build your credibility in their eyes, consider the following tips that have provided highly effective results for our clients.

• Demonstrate openness. Perhaps the most important quality for integrity is the ability to appreciate the feelings and ideas of other people, while maintaining the integrity of your own. Listen with genuine interest to the people around you. Look at them. Keeping an open posture, relaxed manner and direct gaze will communicate your honesty and integrity. An open posture will also indicate to people that you have nothing to hide; you are comfortable with them and confident in yourself.
• Breathe deeply and learn to speak and project your voice by using your diaphragm. You will not only project a stronger voice and clarity, you will project a more powerful persona. By simply breathing properly, you are better able to connect with the inner source of your personal power.
• Silence the “internal critic.” We all have an “internal critic” that whispers to us about our shortcomings. Don’t listen. Believe in yourself and the value you bring to others. Be yourself, be natural, and bring that genuine quality into your presentations and your interpersonal communications. You will find people will connect with you on a much deeper level.
• Express yourself and your enthusiasm. Becoming more physically expressive will engage others and create a stronger connection with them. When you lighten up and move freely, your professionalism is enhanced, not diminished. Even if you’re not talking, you’re communicating credibility with non-verbal expression.

When you learn to relax under pressure, breathe from the diaphragm, stay open as you look at and listen to people, and be genuine with verbal and non-verbal expression, everything changes. You convey integrity, expertise, dynamism and open-mindedness. People will see you as credible. They’ll see your inner intensity and passion that is not pushy or brash. You’ll display a quiet authority that others perceive and appreciate under any circumstances.

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It’s interesting (and, well, just a little entertaining) to look at the world in that cut-and-dried way. But we all know people in every profession everywhere whose authenticity we can count on. You’ve bought a car from someone you trust. You’ve voted for a legislator you believed in. How did you know you could trust them? We say it’s “just a feeling.” However, the fact is, human beings are constantly gauging credibility by reading very real signals people give in every interaction.

Now you’ve probably got two questions in your mind. 

1. What are the signals of credibility? (More on that in a minute.)
2. Are people judging me by them, too? (You bet they are.)

Let’s take a look in the mirror and see how the way we communicate affects perceptions of our authenticity and credibility – and what we can do to raise our scores. The good news is, the indicators people watch are skills you can learn. With this knowledge – and practice – you can communicate credibility that builds your influence. You can take steps to boost the trust of colleagues and customers, supervisors and employees. You are in control of how much impact your words have with others. 

Here are some proven tips we’ve been sharing with others at VoicePro for more than two decades. Try these ideas in your next presentation or conversation and see the difference:

• Be open. Credible people have nothing to hide, no need to be defensive, and nothing to prove. They can listen, keep eye contact, and have relaxed body language. Their easiness communicates integrity.
• Breathe deeply. When you speak you’ll project your voice with an air of confidence. When a situation gets tense, this advice gets twice as important.
• Turn off the “internal critic.” You know that voice that tells you you’re not smart enough or strong enough?  Don’t listen.  It can unnerve you, cause you to act in ways that aren’t authentic. Learn to trust yourself – and others will, too.
• Loosen up and share your enthusiasm. Your comfort is contagious and so is your dynamism. You’ll connect with people and they’ll respond with trust and respect.

Want to dig a little deeper? You’ll find more tips and newsletter ideas on building influence, creating more powerful presentations and developing a strong presence at our website.

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Here’s where I hear you mumbling to yourself, “Yeh, but those are high level skills. We’re talking about…talking.  I do that every day.  Do I really need to practice that?” Yes. Really. 

Now you’re thinking, “But all the really great presenters are laid back…talking off the cuff.”

I agree…almost. The best speakers seem like they’re having a conversation just with you. Nothing stilted, very relaxed. Check out some these great speeches housed on one of my favorite websites, TED - Steve Jobs, former UCLA coach John Wooden, even Bono.   “They look like they’re making it up as they go along,” you say.   My response: that’s how you know they practiced.

 The most compelling speakers know that practice serves a valuable purpose on so many levels. Let’s take a look at some of them.

• Practice helps you test your material. Is it too long? Are your explanations clear? Are you getting to the point or rambling? Maybe you’ll change up some cold facts for an unforgettable story. Or see a place for a demonstration instead of a PowerPoint slide.
• Practice helps you know your material without memorizing it. Nothing makes listeners zone out more than what feels like a 10^th grade memorization exercise. When you see a great movie, the actors are living the lines, not reciting them. That applies to you, too.
• Practice puts you in control. If the projector fails, if your notes get out of order, if a marching band starts playing in the hallway…you’ll be able to stay focused because you know what you’re saying.
• Practice lets you “be yourself.” Do you sound like you’re reading a stilted, written document or having a conversation?  Practicing lets you relax, breathe deeply, keep your mind clear. Someone will ask a challenging question – and you won’t get ruffled. You’ll notice confusion on your audience’s faces, and you’ll brainstorm an idea on how to clarify it on the spot.  
• Practice lets you have a bigger idea. There’s a great video of Bobbie McFerrin (Composer and performer of Don’t Worry, Be Happy) on TED that illustrates how our mind thinks in music. He has the audience improvise a song with him instead of explaining the science. And it communicates so much more than the words of the panel of neuroscientists that share the stage with him.  

 How you get the most out of your practice?  Try this advice.

• Practice out loud. Really. Don’t just read over the text or review your notes. That’s cheating. Stand up, say it loud. There’s a great scene in the movie Elizabeth in which Cate Blanchett as the young British queen goes over and over a speech she’ll be giving to advisors who don’t think she’s capable of ruling. As she practices, she truly “finds her voice” – ways to persuade, disarm, amuse and captivate even her critics.
• Practice without looking at your slides. Don’t let them become a crutch. (In fact, we recommend you eliminate a lot of slides since they can become a distraction not an aid – check this blog entry from the archives.)
• Practice being imperfect. Get truly comfortable with your material, so a stumble or missed paragraph doesn’t become a disaster. You just walk your way through it.

 Looking for more ideas on great presentations?  Check out these tips from VoicePro’s workshops. 

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This team happens to be led by someone who approaches his work in a similar fashion. Although a focused leader, with definite goals in mind, he has a lightness about him. He takes his business seriously, but he doesn’t take himself too seriously. I believe he follows Ben Zander’s Rule #6 – “lighten up” (as described in his book, The Art of Possibility). And as a result those around him can do the same. What a marvelous gift he has given them, the freedom to be themselves  and enjoy the experience (which in this case was learning about how their behavior is viewed by others and impacts others). And, although this kind of newfound self-awareness can be intimidating, they still had fun.

How does this leader do it? The observer in me witnessed him in action, and though it may be more complex than what I’m about to share, I believe what I witnessed had an impact. His posture was open, his smile was easy, and his conversation was focused on each individual he interacted with – his eyes never left the person he was engaged with. His energy was contagious. As we teach, espouse, advocate in our Executive Presence^TM program, just his physical presence motivated people to follow suit.

I invite you to play with the power of your physical presence. The next time you are interacting with your team make an effort to:

• Smile
• Maintain an open posture
• Relax your face
• Laugh at something humorous (or share something humorous)

Pay attention to the reaction you get from them. Ask yourself:

• Was the conversation easier?
• Did you find that your interaction was closer to a dialogue – one where true exchange of facts and feelings occurred?
• Do you feel a sense of easiness that may not have been there before?

Let me know what happened. I’d love to hear.

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I want you all to vow to never give another business presentation – ever!

 Why?

 Because they didn’t take the needs of their audience (me) into consideration when they “presented”. As a result, I walked away thinking;

“So what? What do I do now? Why did I need to be here? What is your point?”

So, take this to heart!

If you have the luxury of a live audience, please, give them something (anything) they can walk away with and use. You may be yelling at me as you’re reading this that you are just giving an informational update. I know, you do them all the time….

Okay, and again, so what?

• Why is this information important?
• What is the benefit of it?
• Why does your audience need to hear it now?

If you can’t give them something useful – and usable – then do us all a favor and send an email update. Don’t waste any more time presenting about information that has no meaning to your audience.

To avoid this trap, remember that it’s all in the preparation:

1. Ask yourself, what is the point for the audience of what I am going to talk about? What do I want them to do with this information? If you do not know what the point is, they won’t either.
2. Gear everything you talk about towards that point.
3. Tell stories or give examples that support the point(s) you are making. This will help your audience relate personally to your message. It will also allow you to come alive in front of the group, rather than drouning on about all your data.
4. Be yourself. Most people are different when talking to friends and colleagues than they are when making a “presentation”. Why is that? Why can’t you be the same person in the informal settings as you are in the formal ones? I would much rather listen to the person who is easy, personable, funny, even enjoying themselves, than the one who has to get through their information as fast as they can so they can get back to their seats.

Bottom line – don’t do any more presentations. Reframe the situation in your mind to just having a conversation. Whether you are in a job interview, talking to a client, updating the board of directors, your boss or team, be yourself! Talk about what you know (which I’m sure you can do in your sleep), and help them with the problem or issue facing them in the current moment. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Believe it or not, being yourself is a lot easier than turning into someone you really aren’t.

Image by Joel Dill

Businesses grow best when their leaders are growing right along with them. Leaders who communicate their ideas and present themselves in powerful ways realize the best results. The following “Ten Tips to Executive Presence” are based on the skills we teach our clients. We encourage you to put our tips into practice and, not only develop your executive presence, but grow your business.

1. Focus on your audience. Ask yourself, “What can I do to make their lives better – more efficient, more effective and more enjoyable!” Remember, your audience does not care how much you know, until they know how much you care.
2. Multi-tasking is for tasks, not communication. Although you may be able to juggle many tasks at once, the people you are building relationships with deserve your full attention in every interaction. When you give people your full attention, you are saying, “I see you, I hear you, and you are important to me.” It will increase your power of influence ten fold.
3. Balance your logic with emotion. Although facts are expected in the business world, your biggest influencing tools will be stories and examples. It is through the use of these powerful influencers that you will ensure a strong emotional connection with your audience – a connection strong enough to take your audience to action.
4. Make certain your pictures match. Take time to provide the picture painting details your audience needs to “see what it is you want them to see.” When you do this, you minimize the risk of misunderstanding and the “fallout” that often occurs as a result.
5. Rely on expression to help you paint the picture for your audience. Use your face, voice and body language to show your audience “how high is high”, “how big is big” and “how much is too much.”
6. Rely on the strength of your voice to command the attention of your audience. When your voice is strong and resonant, you are communicating strength, personal power, authority, and confidence to your audience. All are attributes of true leaders.
7. Carry yourself in a manner that says “I am comfortable with myself, with my topic and with my audience.” When your posture is easy and relaxed – informal yet professional, your audience will not only feel more relaxed in your presence, but you will be more approachable.
8. Use the power of your breath to keep you in the moment, easy, and relaxed. Oxygen is nature’s greatest tranquilizer, and believe it or not, it is also nature’s greatest energizer. So, use that same breath to energize your voice.
9. Be concise. State your point, explain your reason why, back it up with evidence, restate your point, and talk about what needs to happen next. Remember, one of the most valuable resources (and the most scarce) is time. So, boost your credibility by honoring your audience by respecting their time.
10. Be genuine . . . be real . . . be YOU! When you are yourself, you not only honor your audience, but even more important you honor yourself.

Image by IceNineJon