I was getting ready to leave when a woman came up to me. “Oh, that was so wonderful,” she gushed. “I just don’t know how you do it. I could never give a speech, I’m just too afraid, I know I would die right on the spot.”

Okay, so maybe they hadn’t paid such close attention. I had just delivered a talk on how to become a confident, dynamic speaker. Yet here she was, incapable of entertaining the thought of doing it herself.

The fear of public speaking is still high on the list of universal fears. Once people have experienced a bad case of stage fright, they are terrified of ever being in that position again. So the fear of being afraid takes hold, and paralysis sets in. This does not have to be. At VoicePro® we have been remarkably successful in helping workshop participants get over their fears—from nervous jitters to outright panic. Here’s how you can do it too.

Pay attention to your audience.

The biggest mistake speakers make is that they are more concerned about their own fate than that of the people in the audience. Here are some of the thoughts that go through the minds of uptight speakers: How am I doing? What if I screw up in front of my peers? Am I succeeding? Am I failing?

Notice how all these thoughts focus back in on self. When your major concern is for your own well-being, the pressure builds, and you feel more and more out of control.

Instead, turn your attention to your audience. Ask yourself what information you have that will be of benefit to them. How can you help them be better at their jobs? Look at them. See them as individuals. The more you think about the other guy, the less time and energy you will have worrying about yourself.

Be ready.

Preparation is another important component in the fight against stage fright. Organize your thoughts into a key word outline (see VoicePro’s Persuasive Model). Keep it conversational. Use short sentences and small words. I once coached an executive whose opening sentence, which he read from a manuscript, contained 67 words. It was no wonder he started off on the wrong foot and went downhill from there.

I can’t stress enough the value of practice. Often business speakers creat their PowerPoint slides, close their laptop, and think they’re ready. Not so. A couple of out-loud run-throughs before an imaginary audience will allow you to get your stumbles out of the way in rehearsal, paving the way for a smooth effort when performance time comes.

Breathe.

At VoicePro®, we place great emphasis on breathing. It helps quell the jitters when the stakes are high and you need superior communication and speaking skills.

Breath is the magic ingredient in every performance discipline, from speaking to dance to professional sports to the martial arts. Deep breathing keeps the blood flowing. It calms the nerves and improves your ability to think on your feet. It grounds and anchors you, so your hands don’t shake and your voice doesn’t wobble.

Relax your muscles.

Tight muscles are a result of the flight-or-fight response, which is the body’s involuntary response to perceived life-threatening danger. But even though we may feel like it, giving a business presentation isn’t actually life threatening, so we need to work against the tendency to tighten up.

Stretching exercises work well, as well as loosening movements such as arm swings, shoulder shrugs, and overall body shakes. Actors loosen up before a performance and athletes loosen up before competition. Business speakers could do worse than emulate their professional counterparts.

Here’s where I hear you mumbling to yourself, “Yeh, but those are high level skills. We’re talking about…talking.  I do that every day.  Do I really need to practice that?” Yes. Really. 

Now you’re thinking, “But all the really great presenters are laid back…talking off the cuff.”

I agree…almost. The best speakers seem like they’re having a conversation just with you. Nothing stilted, very relaxed. Check out some these great speeches housed on one of my favorite websites, TED - Steve Jobs, former UCLA coach John Wooden, even Bono.   “They look like they’re making it up as they go along,” you say.   My response: that’s how you know they practiced.

 The most compelling speakers know that practice serves a valuable purpose on so many levels. Let’s take a look at some of them.

• Practice helps you test your material. Is it too long? Are your explanations clear? Are you getting to the point or rambling? Maybe you’ll change up some cold facts for an unforgettable story. Or see a place for a demonstration instead of a PowerPoint slide.
• Practice helps you know your material without memorizing it. Nothing makes listeners zone out more than what feels like a 10^th grade memorization exercise. When you see a great movie, the actors are living the lines, not reciting them. That applies to you, too.
• Practice puts you in control. If the projector fails, if your notes get out of order, if a marching band starts playing in the hallway…you’ll be able to stay focused because you know what you’re saying.
• Practice lets you “be yourself.” Do you sound like you’re reading a stilted, written document or having a conversation?  Practicing lets you relax, breathe deeply, keep your mind clear. Someone will ask a challenging question – and you won’t get ruffled. You’ll notice confusion on your audience’s faces, and you’ll brainstorm an idea on how to clarify it on the spot.  
• Practice lets you have a bigger idea. There’s a great video of Bobbie McFerrin (Composer and performer of Don’t Worry, Be Happy) on TED that illustrates how our mind thinks in music. He has the audience improvise a song with him instead of explaining the science. And it communicates so much more than the words of the panel of neuroscientists that share the stage with him.  

 How you get the most out of your practice?  Try this advice.

• Practice out loud. Really. Don’t just read over the text or review your notes. That’s cheating. Stand up, say it loud. There’s a great scene in the movie Elizabeth in which Cate Blanchett as the young British queen goes over and over a speech she’ll be giving to advisors who don’t think she’s capable of ruling. As she practices, she truly “finds her voice” – ways to persuade, disarm, amuse and captivate even her critics.
• Practice without looking at your slides. Don’t let them become a crutch. (In fact, we recommend you eliminate a lot of slides since they can become a distraction not an aid – check this blog entry from the archives.)
• Practice being imperfect. Get truly comfortable with your material, so a stumble or missed paragraph doesn’t become a disaster. You just walk your way through it.

 Looking for more ideas on great presentations?  Check out these tips from VoicePro’s workshops. 

Image by i_zhorov

This is the question that causes sleepless nights, and the angst felt at the top trickles down through the entire organization. That, combined with incessant media hyperbole, creates a culture of tension and fear, leaving everyone with the deep, disquieting, single most important question: What about me?

Yet, from the executive suite to the plant floor, everyone is expected to show up day after day and do the job without complaining. It’s incredibly hard to remain emotionally intact in such circumstances.

At VoicePro^®, we are toughing out these difficult times along with everyone else. And while we can’t give you strategic solutions to the monumental problems of the present economy, we can, from our own experience, offer suggestions for maintaining a sense of emotional equilibrium during these tough times. They include acknowledging your feelings and surrounding them with a healthy and positive framework.

Change Your Story

Your story is the internal narrative you have created about yourself. It’s the ongoing dialogue you have with yourself that defines you and controls how you handle triumph and how you face up to adversity. Just by changing your story you can impact what you feel—and in turn what you do.

According to Deepak Chopra, whenever you think, you are altering your brain chemistry. This means that your story, the story you tell yourself, creates neural patterns in your brain that become your reality. Negative thoughts over time turn into negative behaviors, and you become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Just as an athlete learns to perform physical feats through mental practicing, you can change your story by changing your thoughts and giving yourself new, more positive metal images.

Don’t Let Yourself Go Negative

Negativism will drain your energy. So when you catch yourself with depressing thoughts about yourself or your situation, stop. Go back and rephrase, removing the negative tone and replacing it with something more constructive. Keep it upbeat and in the present tense: I am managing my situation very well, right now, rather than, I will be able to handle it (in the future).

Surround yourself with positive people. Avoid the gloom-and-doom conversations at the coffee machine or in the lunch room. The moment people start talking about how helpless they are and how the deck is stacked against them, get up and go somewhere else.

Take the Time to Quiet Your Mind

It’s so easy to go into drive mode when you’re under pressure. In tough economic times, every sales pitch counts. Personnel issues take on an added dimension, because the lives of families are on the line. Even small changes in the bottom line are momentous. It’s tempting to give in to anxious thoughts and try harder and harder and harder, spinning your wheels until you’re emotionally exhausted.

Just as a parent does with a child, you need to give yourself a timeout. Take five minutes to sit quietly with your feet on the floor and your eyes closed. Relax the tension in your face, your shoulders, and your hands. Now, listen to your breathing. Breathe out, breathe in. Breathe out, breathe in. That’s all there is to it, just five minutes a day.

When we do this exercise at VoicePro^® with workshop participants, the change in atmosphere is almost instantaneous. A calm settles over the room, and when the moment is over, everyone is focused and ready to concentrate on what’s coming next.

Act As If It Were True

In 12-step programs, it’s called “fake it till you make it.” The idea is that if you behave in a certain way, even if initially it feels forced, you will come to feel that way. Studies have shown that “faking it till you make it” can have an immediate—and surprisingly strong—impact on your emotions. So If you act calm, confident and assertive, you will eventually feel calm, confident and assertive. The altered neural patterns in your brain will have given you a new reality.

So straighten up, square your shoulders, and stand tall. Move with purpose, and smile as if you mean it.

Yes, the reality is, times are tough. But we don’t have to give in to anxiety or sink into despair. At VoicePro^®, we’re writing our own story. You too can write yours, however you see it, however you want.

 Image by Piez

Ever feel like you’re starring in that scene – except that it’s set in an office or conference room instead of a dusty street? Take your communication tips from John Wayne and you’re going to end up the loser. It’s a fact. Studies show that when two strangers meet, the one who is most physically relaxed is perceived by both as having the higher status. In a group setting, the most relaxed person is most likely to ultimately become the group leader. 

So, you see, personal power doesn’t come from being so intense you seem wound tight. And it certainly isn’t conveyed when you’re being nervous and fidgety. Power comes from being able to relax. When you’re comfortable with yourself, you telegraph confidence and self-esteem. Stay calm physically, mentally and emotionally and you’re in control.

Relaxation is one of the Five Great Skills® at the core of VoicePro’s approach to effective communication. They’re skills anyone can learn, practice and use to present themselves and their ideas. What are the other four skills? Let’s take a quick look.

• Energy. When you communicate with authentic conviction, people see confidence.
• Expression. It’s in your face, your voice and your body language, and it’s crucial to the understanding of your message.
• Organization. When you put together your message in a powerful way, you create strong personal influence.
• Focus. It shouldn’t be on your message or your own concerns. Your focus needs to be on others. That’s how connection is made. 

Want to know more? Visit us at www.voiceproinc.com and even watch a video on the topic with our own Luanne Paynick. Just register to for a free membership – it only takes a minute.

And the next time you find yourself striding into your own OK Corral , take a moment to settle yourself. Take a deep breath and loosen up. Relaxation may be just the silver bullet you’re looking for.

Why does the fear of speaking rank so high? When people are asked to speak in front of a live audience, alarming thoughts can quickly surface: “What will they think of me?”  “Will I be good enough?” “They’re judging me, so I must be perfect.” “I’ve got to get it right, or I’ll…fall apart…never be successful…ruin my career…be hated by everyone…look stupid…FAIL….” And on and on and on. When you choose to think about something as benign as public speaking in this manner, the impact is not good – for your desired outcome, for your audience, or for yourself.

Thoughts like these rarely help. In fact, they work against you. Before you know it, you’re in a fight-or-flight mode – your heart rate quickens, your breath gets shallow and high, your palms sweat, you start to fidget, you shake, you talk way too fast, etc. The most upsetting outcome is that you are at your absolute worst at a time when you need to be at your best.

If you find yourself reacting like this, you can follow the steps VoicePro® recommends in its programs. You can breathe deeply (pushing your first breath out, followed by a deep breath in). Focus on your audience–really seeing them–will also make a difference. If you do what it takes to prepare sufficiently for the interaction, which is often half the battle, you will feel ready and raring to go. This will lead to a less anxious and fearful you.

But the above actions are just that – actions. It’s said that if you don’t like the results of what you’re doing, do something different. And though that may be true to some degree, actions alone won’t have the impact you desire  when you get up to give a presentation. So I suggest that, in addition, you do something about those debilitating thoughts that cause you so much trouble. You approach the entire event by reframing how you think about it.

With your new thinking you’ll rid yourself of fear and anxiety. You’ll experience “new” emotions such as enjoyment, anticipation, and a sense of belonging. You’ll feel supportive and helpful, not preachy. The presence of these new feelings will be all you need to overcome what you fear the most.

How silly, I thought initially, but how fun. Then I changed my mind, because the more I thought about it, the more meaningful this simple statement became for me. Finally, I got to wondering why I felt this was such an important message.

What does the reset button mean in today’s crazy world? Technologically, to reset means to default to one’s original position. To go back to the beginning and start over. And looking back, there have been moments in my life when I wished I could go back and start again—do things differently or be a better person. But we can’t rewrite our personal history, no matter how much we would like to. In those situations, we can only hope we’ve learned from our mistakes and resolve to do better going forward.

Instead, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can make use of the reset button in the present, during my everyday activities. Here’s what I’ve concluded.

• In a heated discussion, especially when I have strong feelings about a topic, it’s way too easy for me to pre-empt other people and take over a conversation. “Well, tell us what you really think, Carolyn,” they often say, and I know I’ve gone too far. In those instances, it’s time for me to stop, sit back, take a deep breath, press the reset button, and re-enter the conversation with a more moderate tone.
• When I hear unsettling rumors, or when someone declaims his or her point of view as reality, I can avoid jumping to conclusions by pausing, pressing the reset button, and listening critically. This means I will probe for facts and look for evidence that either supports or refutes what I’m hearing. At that point I can make decisions based upon my own knowledge, not the biases of other people.
• When someone pushes my hot buttons (which happens more than I would like), I can use the reset button to keep me from becoming defensive. I can sit back, let go of the muscle tension that builds when I feel attacked, and breathe. I can then diffuse the situation with a bit of humor. Or I can simply walk away.

For me, having a handy reset button will keep me from over-reacting. For you, it might serve a different purpose. I’m curious to hear how it can work for you. Let me know.

Preparing for an upcoming event can lead to greater balance. You can also take certain actions to recover from a trying moment – taking steps after the fact to “find your balance.” According to Dr. Heller, seeking greater balance through the actions you take before and after the event are relatively easy. It is when you are faced with the need to have balance in the moment that things get a bit dicey.

Being able to find balance in the moment, especially in the moments you are interacting with others, is a challenge – to say the least. Let’s face it, as soon as another person enters the moment, things get complicated. Your thoughts can trigger emotions, your passion can ramp up, and both can impact your language and your actions for a not so balanced outcome – for you, for them and for the relationship. Or, your body can literally stop you in your tracks, or the other person, simply due to your posture – for a total loss of balance.

When most people think of balance, they think of stillness. “I need stillness in order to achieve balance.” Yet how many of us are frequently still? Most people I know are in continuous motion. That being said, how will they ever achieve that desired state of balance?

What if for a moment you accepted the idea of being out of balance? That you decided it was ok to be off balance, instead of always trying to be in balance. With this new line of thinking you just might, according to Dr. Heller, minimize the guilt or shame associated with being out of balance. With that lack of guilt or shame, you just might find yourself finding balance a little more quickly. And, according to Dr. Heller, being out of balance is the root of our creativity.  Wow! Who would have thought that something we are trying to avoid – being out of balance – could bring about anything positive?

So, though being more accepting of being out of balance is a good idea, I think we would all agree that is not where we desire to live for a great length of time. So, how do we move through being out of balance more quickly?

• Be ok with being out of balance.
• Recognize the signs in the moment that tell you “I’m out of balance.” (a quickening of your breath, a tensing of your shoulders, a shift in your body’s center of gravity, etc.).
• Continue to breathe – deeply, silently, and frequently.
• Be comfortable with moments of silence and stillness in your interactions.
• Keep your posture open.

Image by hickoree

Isn’t it funny how hard it is to take our own advice? For months, I have kept my own “nose to the grindstone” and focused on my business during this challenging time. Little time was allowed for personal “stress management”. Then recently, I was offered the opportunity to visit a dear friend of mine. Yancey is the general manager of the Mountain Sky Guest Ranch in Montana and he invited me to come out and spend a few days on the ranch. The ranch is a magical place, nestled in the midst of about 6000 acres of mountains, where you can hike, ride horses and be overall pampered to your hearts content. So I accepted the offer, waffled back and forth whether this was really the time to do this, and then took the plunge and off I went. 

Mind you, I have interacted with horses about a handful of times throughout my life, so I consider myself a true beginner rider. All I could think about was, oh, the poor horse that was stuck with someone like me, who didn’t have a clue. But let me tell you about my experience with the wonderful creature I was matched up with and how he helped me unwind.

His name is Butte. He is big and strong, with the most knowing eyes I have ever seen. I may be reading a bit into this, but I felt an immediate connection. I was gentle with him and he, in turn, took great care of me. We climbed up the mountains through snow; came down steep, muddy trails; even crossed rivers. I learned to trot and canter, and even lope on this gentle giant. By the end of my trip, Butte and I were in the advanced rider group. Who would have guessed?

Recently, a woman in one of VoicePro’s Executive Presence programs (a horse owner herself) told me “connecting with a horse is such a personal experience, and if it happens it’s not something you’ll quickly forget.” She is right. I am keeping Butte close to me and remembering the peace, sense of accomplishment and pure joy I shared with him. I came home from this trip refreshed, less stressed and ready to face the ongoing challenges of running a business.

Here are some things to consider to minimize the stress in your life:

• Take a vacation. Even if you don’t leave home, it is important to take a break from work. If you can get away, it’s an even better way to refuel yourself.
• Interact with horses. You can take riding lessions or volunteer at a stable. You can even sign up for personal coaching with horses. Sue Thomas at M-A-P, LLC, has a wonderful executive and leadership development company that uses horses to connect you with your leadership skills. I have worked with Sue and it is amazing how her horses will help you connect what you are feeling, with what you are saying, and with what you are doing. Have you thought about how this disconnect can impact your employees? I will elaborate more on this in a following post.
• Join a networking group. You can gain energy and insight by interacting with other business professionals.
• Get up and move. We’ve all heard it before – exercise will defuse stress and increase your energy. You don’t have to start off training to run a marathon. Just a brisk walk with help by increasing your heart and getting precious oxygen into your body.
• Laugh. Need I say more?

Image by kdriese

Or maybe you hid yourself away in your office to avoid confrontation. Or you froze, a perfect picture of the proverbial “deer in the headlights”. It turns out that the responsibility for these all-too-human reactions lies in the connection between our emotional state and our physiology. Our nervous system is set up to protect us from danger. So, if we sense a threat, we literally feel before we think.

The amygdala, a part of the limbic system at the base of our brain, acts as an alarm. If the amygdala senses a threat, it seizes control, bypasses the rational thinking areas of our brain, and triggers a flight-or-fight response, what we can also call an “emotional hijack.”

In our history as a species, this hijack saved our lives.

Unfortunately for us today, our nervous systems are still mired in prehistoric times. They can’t seem to recognize the difference between real danger and a perceived threat, like a negative comment or criticism of our work.

You know you’ve been hijacked when – in a heated moment, your feelings trigger a physiological response disproportionate to the event itself. Fear and anxiety take over and your cognitive thinking is impaired. Suddenly out of control, your emotional response gets you in trouble, your performance suffers, and you do things you very often regret.  

Let’s look at another scenario. When fear and anxiety arise, I’m beginning to be able to manage them. On top of that, I’m starting to figure out how to create and maintain a positive emotional state. I have developed a degreee of “Emotional Intelligence.” It may be that you too have begun to exercise your Emotional Intelligence. Or, you may wonder just where to begin to increase your Emotional Intelligence. Don’t be discouraged, because it can be learned. Here is an example of how Emotional Intelligence can be learned.  

Bob is a sales executive for a major industrial firm. While his track record in sales was excellent, Bob’s “short fuse” had severely damaged his personal and co-worker relationships. When his company began to require extensive cross-functional collaboration, Bob realized that if he didn’t learn to manage himself better, his career would be in jeopardy.

Bob started working with me in executive coaching and quickly recognized that he rarely had problems with his customers because he was always “on guard.” It was draining for him emotionally, but with effort, he was able to keep his temper under control. It was a different story with co-workers, with family members, and even with friends, where his temper would flare; he would say and do things he always regretted.  

With guidance, Bob learned how to stay calm when he first felt his temper rising. He learned to work through differences with others without getting “triggered.” Within three months, Bob reported with amazement that his colleagues were suddenly becoming more cooperative.

Bob saw this as clear evidence that his Emotional Intelligence was developing rapidly. His emotional hijacking had come to an end. 

So, if I were to offer something of what Bob and I have learned, I would offer to you the ability to maintain your sense of calm. Why this one skill? When you are calm you are best able to choose how you want to act versus reacting in the moment. And, from my perspective it all begins there.

Maintaining Your Sense of Calm

• Breathe! Breathe! And then breathe some more! Breathe often, deeply, quietly and through your nose.
• Sit like Abraham Lincoln. Keep your body open and feel your back against the back of the chair. This is your power position.
• Keep the voice in your head positive. Tell yourself, “I am handling this.”
• Have a vision of the kind of relationship you would like to ulitmately have with this person. It may be as simple as being professional, courteous, and respectful. Then connect with your vision. Your actions will more likely be in alignment with your vision, but only IF you connect with it.

Image by mickiky