Our blog site has a new URL

 www.voiceproinc.com/blog

VoicePro® has embarked on an exciting period of expansion of our online presence. We have partnered with a new web hosting/Internet marketing company, and will be implementing many changes over the next several months with the goal of bringing greater value to our clients.

Many of the changes will be behind the scenes; however, there will be some, like the blog location, that will affect user navigation. The new blog site will require readers to resubscribe to either RSS or email updates. Our goal is to maximize the value to our visitors while minimizing the inconvenience these changes may cause.

We very much appreciate our readership and hope you will continue to follow.

Thanks for your continued interest, and we’ll see you on the other side.

Have you ever wondered why listening—the simple act of taking in a spoken message—is so very difficult to master? Intellectually, the idea of listening is easy to understand. It appears to be passive in nature; you just sit there and . . . well . . . listen. So what’s the big deal?

To begin with, listening isn’t passive at all. It requires that you fully understand the message from the other person’s point of view. You must also recognize that point of view as valid, even if it differs from your own. Contrary to prevailing opinion, being a good listener doesn’t obligate you to agree with what you hear. In fact, putting yourself in the other’s place and seeing things from their perspective is evidence of strength and insight on your part.

The other difficulty relates to the misconception I spoke of earlier, which is the disregard of the emotional factors central to any interaction. Like it or not, we are all emotional creatures. Our first reaction to any stimulus is emotional. In the split seconds before our brains kick in, our adrenal glands are working overtime and our gut reactions take hold. That means that people who appear to be basing their arguments on facts may actually be churning with emotion on the inside.

This puts demands on the listener, who must determine whether the speaker’s words are coming from a logical or an emotional base. Good listening requires your full attention on both aspects of the speaker’s words. Are his comments fact-based, reasonable, and grounded in sound principles of logic? Is she being melodramatic, with tone and gestures that are over the top? Or has he gone silent on you, closed up and shut down? You must become well versed in nonverbal communication and learn to read between the lines. The speaker’s tone of voice and body language—even when they are subtle—will give you much more information than relying on the words alone.

Here are some indicators to look for when you’re distinguishing between logic and emotion:

The words don’t match the behavior.

When a verbal-nonverbal mismatch occurs, the nonverbal takes precedence. If the words say one thing and the tone of voice contradicts it, the tone of voice tells the real story. If positive words flow from a scowling face, it’s time to stop and reassess what you’re hearing. Regardless of what is being said, look carefully at body language and pay close attention to the tone of voice. The speaker’s words will give you information; his or her behavior will give you the meaning behind the words, including important clues to the underlying emotions.

The words are overstated.

Words like always, never, obviously, and worst are all good indicators that strong emotions are present. “We never come to an agreement . . .” “You always say that . . . ” “Obviously, this strategy won’t work . . .” The reality is these statements are too harsh to possibly be true; we agree sometimes, I don’t always say that, and this strategy may, in fact, be quite workable. When you hear these red-flag words, it’s a pretty good bet emotions are running high.

The body language and/or vocal tone is out of character.

A normally calm and centered person becomes visibly tense; a friendly, warm person suddenly clamps his jaw and goes dead silent; a usually poised person loses her cool and goes for the jugular—these are clear signs that emotions are overriding customary behavior and that rational thinking is being distorted.

Making the effort to distinguish between a speaker’s logical argument and it’s emotional origin is not a passive process. When you sense the speaker’s emotions are getting in the way of a fruitful conversation, you can’t ignore them. Acknowledge the emotion; don’t discount it. Once the speaker feels heard and understood at the emotional level, you can then move forward confidently into a more reasonable and productive discussion.

Image by bglasgow

Mastering the art of presenting—and it is an art—takes training, practice and experience. It’s also a vital component of any business career, and you owe it to yourself to improve your speaking skills whenever and however you can. However, your immediate concern isn’t what you’re going to say next week, or next month, or next year. It’s what you’re going to say tomorrow.

Maybe I can wing it, you think to yourself. Then reality hits and you realize winging it isn’t going to work, and you’re totally out of options. But don’t panic. Help is at hand.

Here are some tips that will make you a better speaker overnight. 

Get Your Thoughts On Track.

If your inner voice is telling you you’re going to fail, don’t listen. Instead of picturing yourself as stumbling and unprepared, change that picture and change your thoughts. What would it be like to be a great speaker? How would it feel? What would you say and do? Then picture yourself in that role—calm and self-contained, comfortable in your own skin, able to think on your feet and handle anything unexpected that comes your way. Concentrate fully and expect to succeed. Disciplined mental focus is the ideal performance state. It is the starting point for the mastery of any skill, and presentation skills are no exception.

Serve Your Audience.

Now it’s time to turn your thoughts to your audience. Your presentation must be designed to meet the needs of the people listening to you. Who are they? How can you help them?  Don’t try to be profound or impress them with your knowledge and expertise. Speak in language they will understand, and keep it conversational, with short sentences and small words. Honor them by looking at them, speaking directly to them, and watching them for feedback. In turn they will give you courtesy and respect.

Organize Your Material.

Decide on the three most important points you want to make. Surround those points with evidence: facts, data, statistics. Introduce some good examples and stories that add a personal touch. If you must incorporate slides, decide where to put them and get them in order. Create a brief introduction that tells the audience why you’re giving them this information and what’s in it for them. Add a short summary at the end, give them an action step or two . . . and you’re home free.

Put Life In Your Delivery.

In describing a speaker, someone once said, “His voice was so monotonous that if it were measured on an EKG, he would be pronounced dead.”  Put life into your voice. Vary the pitch and volume for a livelier sound. Emphasize key words and speak at a moderate pace, neither too fast nor too slow. Keep your body loose and your gestures free and easy. If you can include these qualities in your presentation, it will make it easier for your audience to connect with you and hear what you have to say.

Speaking is a lot like golf: You can spend hours improving your game, but sometimes a minor adjustment to your swing can make everything fall into place. By focusing on any one of the above suggestions, your overall technique will improve. If you incorporate them all, tomorrow’s presentation will be a winner.

Image by neloqua

Even in business, you’ll see the debate method in action—with parties arguing for their own point of view, each person needing to be right . . . to look good . . . to win the day. They are silent, not to listen but only to wait until it’s time for them to state their case again.

But is debate really the best way to reach agreement and solve problems? More and more, the answer is a resounding NO! Today’s problems—at the corporate level, nationally, and in our own lives—are so vast and complex, that backing the other guy into a corner in order to win is a colossal waste of time. The win-lose method of solving problems leaves casualties on both sides, resulting in:

• Misused resources,
• Work that misses the mark,
• Unintended consequences,
• A cross-functional ripple effect that has a negative effect on everyone.

I believe it’s time to put aside our adversarial methods of resolving differences and consider a different method . . . Dialogue. Dialogue is the open and frank interchange of ideas in order to achieve mutual understanding or harmony. It’s an incredibly effective method whereby you explore alternative points of view with an open mind. You influence others, yet remain open to being influenced. In a debate, the other person is positioned as the enemy, but in Dialogue, he or she is a collaborative partner.

Here is a brief review of the steps required to enter into Dialogue, either with an individual or with a group.

1. Provide accurate and complete information, including feelings that bear upon the issue.
2. Use reasoned arguments to advocate your own position, not just opinions.
3. Invite others to critique your reasoning.
4. Inquire into others’ reasoning when it differs from your own.
5. Voice the other person’s point of view.
6.  Confirm others’ personal competence when disagreeing with their ideas.
7. Regard all assertions as hypotheses to be tested.
8. Design ways to test competing viewpoints.
9. Be willing to change or adjust your position when others offer convincing data and rationale.

Note that throughout the Dialogue, you are showing respect for the other person, yet insisting that the ideas of all parties, including your own, are tested for validity. The goal is to find the best possible solution, not to be right or to disparage anyone else.

One criticism of Dialogue is that it takes too much time. It is true that providing accurate and complete information may take some homework and the testing of hypotheses will need follow-up. But if undertaken in the appropriate spirit, Dialogue can take less time than a formal debate. And the results are much, much better. All parties are happier with the solutions and there are fewer surprises down the line.

What does it take to become proficient in Dialogue? A number of skills are involved, including interpersonal communication skills, listening, and the ability to advocate effectively for one’s cause. Respect and courtesy toward all other parties is a must.

So take off your debating hat and set aside your need to win. Join the real problem solvers of the world in Dialogue. It’s effective, it’s resourceful, and it can elicit astonishing results.

Let me hear from you.

Image by Jessica-in-Norway

Imagine if these movies had started differently. “In a past scenario, the troop strength of corrupt military-industrial complex had a 500-to-1 equipment advantage over a small but vocal group of dissidents…as you can see in this bar chart on my PowerPoint slide.”  Movies show us the power of storytelling to engage and persuade people, don’t they? I got a reminder of this from a great interview with screenwriter and creative writing teacher Robert McKee on Screenwriting for Executives. Whether your interest is in sales presentation, public speaking or simply team communications, this Hollywood advice applies to you.

Of course, storytelling doesn’t replace facts and logic. Its role is to help bring your information to life and make it more persuasive. It helps people understand complex ideas. It inspires, motivates – and gets remembered.

So how do you start developing the plot line of your next presentation? Storytelling is built on examples, metaphors and analogies. Is your story about the battle for market share? Then the hero may be you and your department. Maybe there’s a metaphorical “damsel in distress” who was rescued by the new training in customer service. Or, perhaps you’re explaining major management changes. Is the analogy the exploration of an undiscovered planet? Or getting a hard-case kid onto the championship football team? Or like the two little nuns who made all the difference when they yanked the carburetor out of the Nazis’ chase car in The Sound of Music? Now that’s a story about innovation and initiative!

Once you’ve decided the plot of your story, how do you put it all together? Here are a few speaking tips:

• Use powerful, concrete words and phrases. For example, in a sales presentation, it’s easy to talk about a new product “providing increased effectiveness.”  But it’s more compelling to talk about “no more Saturday catch-up work” or “make a difference to three more people every day.”
• Laughter is good medicine.  It helps people remember. It lightens the weight of a tough message. Of course, make sure it’s relevant and appropriate.
• Think visually. This isn’t radio – you’re on the big screen. What would be a great prop to convey your message?  A black hat and a white hat?  A letter from a customer? A tiny pebble, a melted DVD, your grandfather’s pocket watch, the contents of your organization’s lost and found box?  Extra credit: make this the only visual in your PowerPoint – or replace it all together.

Presenting your ideas in the form of a story is an emotionally powerful way of sharing the picture you have in your mind’s eye with your listener. If you and your listener are seeing the same picture then you have truly succeeded in conveying your message. 

Image by David Sandell

Before you answer those questions, let’s take a look at what conflict actually is. A simple definition is found in Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary: “the struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing interests, wants, needs, or desires.” A teenager’s craving to be independent clashes with a parent’s need to keep the kid from getting into trouble. A manager’s goal of achieving higher results with fewer resources (which might mean overtime) collides with the employee’s goal of balancing work and personal life. A company must cut costs in order to stay profitable, yet the employees aren’t about to give up their health benefits.

In each of these cases, the interests or needs of one party are opposed by the interests or needs of the other. As the parties struggle to achieve their own goals, conflict ensues and often escalates as they dig their heels in and defend their own positions.

Social scientists have identified five fairly common responses to conflict: denial, avoidance, accommodation, force, and negotiation (or collaboration).

Denial

To deny a problem is to pretend it doesn’t exist. Denial can be comforting. It seems to ease the pressure; if you refuse to recognize the problem, there’s nothing to worry about and you won’t have to take any action. But this is false complacency, because, whatever your reasons, your denial of the problem won’t make it go away. In fact, it will make everyone around you crazy, which is a surefire way to escalate the conflict.

Avoidance

Have you ever noticed that when you get the job, you get a phone call, but when you don’t get the job, a letter comes in the mail? Some people will go to almost any length to avoid confrontation; they want to protect themselves from unpleasantness and strife. As a short-term tactic, avoidance can provide a cooling off period. But in the long run, avoidance, like denial, does nothing to ease the conflict and will only prolong a difficult situation.

Accommodation

Accommodators believe peace and harmony are worth whatever price is demanded. They just can’t say no. If you are a people pleaser, you want everyone to be happy, even at your own expense. Doing nice things for people isn’t a bad thing; kindness and accommodation are an integral part of any healthy relationship. But don’t be misled. Habitual acquiescence establishes patterns that can be difficult to break. If you keep giving in, folks will continue to take advantage of you.

Force

On the other hand, forcers use the power of their position or their personality to control. They make unilateral decisions and let you know in no uncertain terms that they are never wrong. Sometimes forcers are shouters and sometimes they are the strong, silent types. Either way, they rule by intimidation, and people back down because they don’t feel strong enough, or don’t know how to fight back. There are times (in the midst of a crisis, for example) when it’s appropriate to make use of power to get things done. The chronic use of force, however, destroys teamwork and inhibits group participation. Over time it will exacerbate the very conflict it’s meant to control.

Negotiation

To negotiate is to reach a settlement by conference, discussion, or compromise. At its best, negotiation doesn’t end until both parties feel they’re winners, and when the person you’re negotiating with is also a colleague in life or in business, a mutually beneficial, negotiated settlement is a worthy goal.  Negotiation is neither quick nor easy. It demands patience, diplomacy, expert communication skills, and a strong desire to give satisfaction to the other side. In the long run, a successful negotiation is the way to a lasting peace.

Take a look at your own conflict response style. When you’re in the midst of a difficult situation, ask yourself, What am I saying? What am I doing? And more importantly, Am I responding in an appropriate manner—for myself and for those around me?

Excerpted from the book, Creating Balance: Moving Out of Conflict into Compatibility, by Carolyn Dickson. Oakhill Press, 1997.

Image by Diamond Hoo Ha Man

I was getting ready to leave when a woman came up to me. “Oh, that was so wonderful,” she gushed. “I just don’t know how you do it. I could never give a speech, I’m just too afraid, I know I would die right on the spot.”

Okay, so maybe they hadn’t paid such close attention. I had just delivered a talk on how to become a confident, dynamic speaker. Yet here she was, incapable of entertaining the thought of doing it herself.

The fear of public speaking is still high on the list of universal fears. Once people have experienced a bad case of stage fright, they are terrified of ever being in that position again. So the fear of being afraid takes hold, and paralysis sets in. This does not have to be. At VoicePro® we have been remarkably successful in helping workshop participants get over their fears—from nervous jitters to outright panic. Here’s how you can do it too.

Pay attention to your audience.

The biggest mistake speakers make is that they are more concerned about their own fate than that of the people in the audience. Here are some of the thoughts that go through the minds of uptight speakers: How am I doing? What if I screw up in front of my peers? Am I succeeding? Am I failing?

Notice how all these thoughts focus back in on self. When your major concern is for your own well-being, the pressure builds, and you feel more and more out of control.

Instead, turn your attention to your audience. Ask yourself what information you have that will be of benefit to them. How can you help them be better at their jobs? Look at them. See them as individuals. The more you think about the other guy, the less time and energy you will have worrying about yourself.

Be ready.

Preparation is another important component in the fight against stage fright. Organize your thoughts into a key word outline (see VoicePro’s Persuasive Model). Keep it conversational. Use short sentences and small words. I once coached an executive whose opening sentence, which he read from a manuscript, contained 67 words. It was no wonder he started off on the wrong foot and went downhill from there.

I can’t stress enough the value of practice. Often business speakers creat their PowerPoint slides, close their laptop, and think they’re ready. Not so. A couple of out-loud run-throughs before an imaginary audience will allow you to get your stumbles out of the way in rehearsal, paving the way for a smooth effort when performance time comes.

Breathe.

At VoicePro®, we place great emphasis on breathing. It helps quell the jitters when the stakes are high and you need superior communication and speaking skills.

Breath is the magic ingredient in every performance discipline, from speaking to dance to professional sports to the martial arts. Deep breathing keeps the blood flowing. It calms the nerves and improves your ability to think on your feet. It grounds and anchors you, so your hands don’t shake and your voice doesn’t wobble.

Relax your muscles.

Tight muscles are a result of the flight-or-fight response, which is the body’s involuntary response to perceived life-threatening danger. But even though we may feel like it, giving a business presentation isn’t actually life threatening, so we need to work against the tendency to tighten up.

Stretching exercises work well, as well as loosening movements such as arm swings, shoulder shrugs, and overall body shakes. Actors loosen up before a performance and athletes loosen up before competition. Business speakers could do worse than emulate their professional counterparts.

In part one

One of the points I mentioned before was that people want to know why a change is taking place. It’s easy to think about the more literal response to that question. “It will save money.” “It will help us respond faster.”  “It will open up a new market.” Or, in these tough times, the answer is often, “It’ll help us hang on until the economy turns around.” Those answers aren’t enough. They aren’t enough to qualm fears. They aren’t enough to build buy-in. They aren’t enough to inspire belief and action.

Getting to positive change requires communication skills, powered by leadership skills. Let me explain. All of us are rational and emotional beings – and we bring both those outlooks to the workplace. Transformational leadership requires us to connect with both. The rational mind responds to goals. The emotional mind responds to vision. The two must be interconnected and both must be communicated for successful change. Why?  

• Goals appeal to our intellect. Vision engages us. Goals tell us what we need to do, what the changes will require of us. But that’s just the beginning. Vision brings meaning to the change, captures our imagination for the good that could come from it. 
• Goals give us timeframes and results. Vision shows us our future. Always, the logical mind wants and needs the specifics of goals. Vision helps us soar above the everyday to see the big-picture possibilities.
• Goals drive performance. Vision inspires. We want to understand the standards by which we’ll be measured and rewarded. But vision asks us to think for ourselves and empowers us to find ways to expand upon it.
• Goals solve problems. Vision opens possibilities. For example, goals say, “Reduce customer wait time by 20%”.  Vision says, “Delight customers by easing the stress of their time-crunched days.” 
• Goals are concrete, written. Vision is a living story to be internalized. One you pull up and access on your computer. The other you carry in your mind.

Chances are, you already have skills and training in goal-setting. So, I want to focus on visioning here. Where do you start? You’ll need to do the same thing you’re going to be asking your team to do. Think beyond the current actions to the future.  What does “good” look like? What will a day be like when the change is in full force? What will be the response from customers? How will they write the article on your success in the Harvard Business Review? Gather those mental images for your vision story. Then think about how you want to characterize the vision. Are you on a mission? Is it a battle? A quest? Is it a marathon or a sprint? Is it art or science? Are you creating or conquering? Now build your thoughts into your story, filling it out with details that tie it to the everyday experience. 

Here’s a crucial reminder. Your goals – and especially your vision – may be most important when the changes you’re facing are triggered by “bad” news. Downsizing, financial reorganization or the departure of a key leader can scar a company’s performance for a very long time if not approached correctly. Without being a Pollyanna, you need to focus on the positive future. Not the pain, but the gain. Try to set goals within a positive framework. Define your vision, not in terms of loss, but of the open door. Once you have your messages in place, communicate them often, in as many ways as you can. Update the vision with success stories. Share goals reached. And, when necessary, recalibrate. 

Change is a reality in today’s world. To be a true leader you need to go beyond managing change to empowering it.

Image by David Reece

Be prepared with clear expectations.

Claire and I were in a boat called a shredder. It has two side tubes that you sit on, with your feet on the “floor” of the boat. With Claire on one side and me on the other, we paddled our way down the river. Claire has boated on the Gauley and New Rivers for 25 years. She guided rafting trips for many of those years, so she knows the twists and turns well. She also knows the power of the rapids—and the danger that goes with it. With that knowledge comes an intense respect for the river—and a lot of dread too.

Me? My boating has been filled with joy and excitement—and total ignorance. I had never been thrown out of a raft and forced to swim through a rapid. Until you do, you have not truly experienced the full impact of a white water river trip, so you might say my brain had only tapped into the positive side of rafting.

My cautious sister, on the other hand, has the negative side of rafting imbedded in her brain. She has swum most of the challenging rapids, and she knows what it’s like to get thrown out of a boat when you least expect it. Boulders and swirling eddies await the unwary swimmer. On that beautiful day, when I looked over at Claire, she would be staring downstream . . . holding her breath. When I looked downstream, it didn’t look all that dreadful to me.

When I asked what was up, she said, “Can’t you hear that?” The sound was the next rapid coming up. This seemed like more fun and excitement to me. For Claire, however, it signaled time to think about what was ahead and how to navigate a rapid that she knew well, but that might have a surprise or two in store. (This is what made my sister a sought-after rafting guide. She knew what she was doing and didn’t take unnecessary chances.)

Turn negatives into positives

On that glorious day of rafting, I did have my first rapid swim. I got thrown out of the boat so fast that I didn’t have time to worry about what might happen to me in the water. The worst part was the egg on my shin where my leg hit a boulder. But I didn’t die. I popped up downstream, got back into the boat and thought, Excellent, now I don’t need to worry about swimming again because I just did. If and when it happens again, I will handle it.

How do you want to move through your life? Check in and monitor your thoughts. Are they positive or negative? Do you want to avoid the experiences of life because of what might happen? Or do you want to enjoy the excitement of what’s coming around the bend? My choice is to deal with what is at hand, and deal with what might happen when it happens. If I spend my life in dread, and the dreadful things don’t happen, what an enormous waste of time. I would much rather be joyful.

Make your choice

How you move through your world can be joyous or full of dread. Experience and knowledge is powerful. It will make you a great boater, as long as it doesn’t paralyze you. My sister doesn’t stop boating because of what might happen. She has too much skill for that. She just needs a gentle reminder to keep breathing.

So off I went to see the canoe—–admire it—sit in it—rub my hand gently over the red paint. Unfortunately, my arrival at the store went unheralded. The store wasn’t crowded; a woman wandered through the aisles with a basket of running clothes over her arm. A white haired man examined fishing rods. But no employees were in evidence. In the outdoor department, suspended 15 feet above my head, the canoes hung from wires like giant cucumbers (not a red one in the bunch). All I could see was the bottom of each boat with the price of each in big letters pasted on the bow.

Finally, a young man wearing store colors walked by. I smiled. He didn’t. He walked on. I looked around but couldn’t see anyone else who could help me, so I kept my gaze focused on the bottoms of the canoes. Eventually, finding this futile, I walked to the front of the store where another employee was studying a computer screen.

“Can you help me, over in canoes?” I asked.

“In a minute,” he said, without looking up.

So back I went to the outdoor department. By the time I had looked at the tents, checked out all the camping gear, and examined the kayaks one by one, I realized no one was coming to assist me. I was on my own. So after one last, longing glance at the canoes floating overhead, I left the store.

Back home, I checked the store’s website one more time. Yes, there it was, just as I had read it. “…the finest quality products at competitive prices, backed by the best service anywhere.”

What’s the point of my story? It’s not the importance of good customer service; that goes without saying. No matter what our situation, sooner or later we are all consumers. Even the heads of national sporting goods chains will, at some time in their lives, find themselves buying tires, or lawn mowers, or washing machines. And they will be judging the service they get, weighing the quality from one enterprise against that of another. The rudiments of point-of-service behavior hardly need to be taught: smile, ask if you can help, know the product so you can answer questions, don’t chew gum. No, the importance of good customer service isn’t the issue here. What continues to bother me about my experience is the discrepancy between what goes into print and what actually occurs on the sales floor.

The heart of our business at VoicePro® is the relationships we form with our clients, and we know first hand how difficult it is to serve them consistently and unconditionally. One key to client satisfaction, we’ve learned is this: Set clear expectations and do your best to exceed them. We’re also careful to not promise more than we can deliver.

When outstanding service is touted as a competitive advantage, customers will anticipate white glove treatment, so the business must absolutely live up to its claims. Unmet expectations are worse than no expectations at all. This means the idea of good customer service must be more than words on a page or a bullet point in a mission statement. It means training, training, training. And a customer-oriented culture that is communicated to and embraced by everyone, from the leadership of the organization to the guys on the floor in the canoe department.

Perhaps I hit the store on a bad day. Perhaps they were short-handed because of illness. Perhaps a tie-up on the freeway caused half the staff to be late, while I just happed to be there early. Perhaps on another day I would have had an entirely different experience. Perhaps I will go back and find out. And perhaps not.

Eventually I’ll get my canoe. And when I paddle it across the lake, it will sometimes remind me of VoicePro®’s mission, our commitment to client service and the challenges it presents. It’s worth pondering on a quiet summer morning.

Image by Bill Gracey

VoicePro has been called in by numerous clients to help manage change initiatives.  A mistake I see over and over again is that communication is an afterthought. 

Sometimes the call to VoicePro comes when there’s been a breakdown in the system – reduced productivity, high turnover or other problems.  In response to my question about a communications plan, I often hear, “We had a meeting and sent out a memo.”  That’s simply not enough.

People need more than that for change to be truly understood and accepted, and for the change to have the full positive force you intend.  It’s so important that I’m going to devote a couple of these posts to the issues you’ll face and how to prepare for them.

Let’s start with an example to illustrate my point. I participated in a training exercise a few years ago in which the participants were broken into one of two groups – the “employers” and the “employees.” I was an employee.  Unbeknownst to us employees, part of the exercise for the employers was to NOT communicate with us, but only to let us have access to their public news releases.  Even in a small group of pretend employees, complete strangers together for a 3-hour “game” on a Tuesday morning, we became suspicious and confrontational, doubting our employers wisdom and motives.  Amazing – and eye opening.  

Think of change management as facilitative leadership. How can you help assure the change you’re undertaking is going to achieve the hoped-for results?  Here are some things to keep in mind in your communications plan.

• Over-communicate.  Create a message calendar to cover 3-6 months of the change process.  Start early to let people know what’s coming.  Include a kick-off communication at the start of the change.  Then follow through with regular updates. 
• Explain why.  People respond more positively when they know why a change is happening.  Even if it’s bad news generated by difficulty, trust your team to take on a challenge when they know what the stakes are and how they can make a difference.  And don’t assume that the need for a “simple” or “good” change is obvious. Change always brings some discomfort or inconvenience. Help people understand how learning a new sales and marketing system will help them better serve customers and grow the business.
• Listen.  You can’t possibly predict all the questions and concerns your team will have – that’s the nature of the human spirit.  You need to offer frequent opportunities for people to ask questions.  Take those questions seriously and provide serious answers.  Be sure to plan for Q&A throughout the process; issues are certain to arise as you go along.
• Use different communication methods.  Kick-off meetings, newsletters, video, focus groups, training sessions.  Each one reaches people in different ways and invites different (and important) feedback opportunities.
• Reach out to key groups.  You know which groups are most affected and where the fulcrum points are.  Losing these key people can hobble your organization for months. Use change as a team building exercise.
• Involve the whole organization.  Even when a change targets a small group, you may want to widen the communications audience.  Why?  First, there’s a ripple effect to change.  Something new in the accounting department can cause headaches or concerns to anyone who interacts with them.  Plus, organization-wide communication can help control gossip and the fear that goes with it.

Change isn’t just about systems or organization charts, payroll numbers or business plans.  It’s about the people who will implement it, live with it, work with it.  If your want your change to be a positive one, remember make people a part of it.  And communication is the key.

Image by Veri’s kleiner Winkel

Actually, it does make a difference, as advertisers well know and we, the public, have long forgotten (if we ever paid attention in the first place). Big names sell—regardless of the product and regardless of the price. Whether it’s a political candidate, a ten-million-dollar home on a private golf course, or an athletic shoe, if our favorite celebrity recommends it, we fall right in line and pony up our money to the cause. You’d think we’d know better. But we don’t.

It all has to do with likeability. Research shows that the more we like someone, the more we’re willing to accept what he or she says as the truth. Here’s how it works.

You can like someone and accept the message. This is where Tiger makes a difference to Nike, who at the time of this writing has reiterated its commitment to Woods as one of its main spokespersons. He’s a terrific golfer, we’re supposed to think. He’s good looking, I like him. Therefore, these must be great shoes. It seems ridiculous when we listen critically to the message and analyze how we’re processing the information. But it means big bucks to Nike.

You can dislike someone and disagree with the message. This is the stuff of smear political campaigns. The rationale goes like this: If one side can vilify a candidate from the other side, the sheep-like voters will drum him out of office. It’s so easy to fall into this trap. Even though I understand how this concept works, if I find myself appalled at the behavior of a public figure, it’s difficult for me to listen through my disgust to his or her ideas and judge them on their own merit.

The Greeks were well aware of this when news came of battles lost and they put the messengers to death. Kill the messenger! has become the battle cry of anyone who doesn’t want his or her ideas held up to the harsh light of day.

You can see how this plays out at work as well. If you’re in conflict with someone, or if you actively dislike one of your colleagues, notice how you almost always respond negatively to what that person says. It’s practically automatic.

You can like someone and disagree with the message. When like minds get together and hash out the pros and cons of a subject without getting personal, magic can happen. Ideas flow, and they can be turned inside out and examined thoroughly without anyone getting mad. It would be wonderful if all our interactions took place under such ideal circumstances. But unfortunately, this cannot always be.

You can dislike someone and still find value in the message. Yes, it can be done, but it’s not easy. It requires tremendous communication skills, especially the ability to listen analytically and separate ideas from personal biases.

If you think of this as a matrix with four quadrants, you’ll note that you’ll find yourself in one of these quadrants whenever you interact with someone else. It’s joyous to be around people you like and pretty much agree with all the time. High fives all around. And you will occasionally come in contact with a detestable someone whose ideas you abhor.

The trick is to be aware of where you are at any given time, and move yourself to one of the other, more constructive quadrants—like/disagree or dislike/agree—when it’s appropriate to do so. It’s the mark of an open-minded leader to be able to separate the message from the messenger and weigh ideas based on their own merit.

So check yourself. Have you joined the herd and are buying shoes, shampoo, or strategic ideas because Tiger Woods, a TV guru, or some other bigshot tells you to? Or are you listening carefully, thinking critically, and making your own informed judgments about what you hear?

Let me know what you think.

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I often find myself in this trap…wondering, What if I do it wrong? or How am I supposed to do this?

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing it exactly the way you should be? Because, if you did everything right the first time, you’d never learn anything new. And who is defining the right way? What if your way is the right way?

 Sue Thomas is the owner of MAP.  She uses horses to teach people about leadership skills, collaboration, effective communication and team building. One morning, I was in her pasture with three horses and three other people to learn some new approaches to managing. My task, with rope harness in hand, was to go get Boss, a large, black gelding, and lead him back to Sue.

Now, I love animals and I am not particularly afraid of horses. So this was no big deal, right? I just needed to go and get him. But as I found myself walking towards Boss, I began to get nervous because the trap had taken hold. Was I going to do it right. What if I did it wrong? What if I looked foolish in front of the others?

When I got to Boss, I looped the rope around his neck and said, “C’mon big guy,” and walked back over to Sue. My legs were shaking so badly I could hardly walk. And I was so worried about doing it right that I couldn’t enjoy my connection with this big, wonderful horse. Yet I had successfully accomplished my task. So, what is my point in all this? My fear of being inadequate very nearly got in the way of my success. I was getting in my own way.

What thoughts do you have that get in your way? Try this:

• Set a clear goal. If you don’t know what you need to accomplish, it’s hard to clarify your approach. I needed to get Boss and bring him back. This was very clear for me.
• Tell yourself, until you actually believe it, that your way is the right way. You can approach a task quite differently from others and still be successful. You may even experience something new and different that surprises you. If I had taken this approach with Boss, I would have found joy in my accomplishment rather than feeling frustration and pain.
• Take comfort in the fact that, most of the time, other people aren’t aware of your mental chatter and how it can undo you. The feedback I received from the others in the pasture was that I looked confident, comfortable and that I made the process look easy. They had no idea my knees were buckling under me.

When you are faced with something new and challenging, give yourself permission to do it wrong. Then enjoy the process of learning instead of beating yourself up over it. My lesson learned – I don’t need to be like everyone else. I can be different, which makes me unique. My knees can definitely support that.

I have just spent two weeks working on projects with diverse groups of people. At VoicePro, we use the DISC Behavioral Assessment to help clients understand how individual work styles impact relationships. It’s one thing to understand the DISC principles, another to know them well enough to teach them to others, and quite another to respond appropriately when the need arises in real life.

According to the DISC, I am highly results-oriented. At the start of a project, I want to come in, take stock, dive in, barrel through, and be done with it. No chit chat. No messing around. But if I want to accomplish anything, I have to remember: MOST OTHER PEOPLE DON’T WORK THAT WAY. So I must stop, press my reset button, and proceed with a softer touch. Sometimes, I can manage this quite well; at other times it’s not so easy.

Here’s what I’ve learned—or relearned—or re-relearned—about myself and how to work with others. And while my work style may be different from yours, the lessons I continually have to teach myself might be of value to you as well. I hope so, anyway.

Know yourself.  This is where the DISC Assessment and other “personality” type instruments come in handy. You can easily see how your personal characteristics have become your strengths and how, taken to the extreme, they can get you in trouble. Being results-oriented, I put my blinders on and head for the goal. I get a lot done that way. On the other hand, I must be careful not to ride roughshod over people in my zeal to reach the finish line. They tend not to like it very much.

With the DISC you are also able to see how other people differ from you. And how that’s all right. If we were all alike, it would be a pretty dull world. (And if everyone was like me, the details would be lost and gone forever.)

Don’t take yourself too seriously. This is important advice for me. Once I understand what makes me tick and I accept that reality, I need to lighten up. If I use my work style as an excuse for unacceptable behavior, I negate the whole purpose of the assessment. Instead, I can turn it to my advantage by recognizing the humor in the human condition—and in mine.

While you are settling down to analyze the situation, weigh all the arguments, and check your data one more time before making a decision, I’m probably tapping my foot, snapping my fingers, and muttering, “c’mon, c’mon,” under my breath. But if we can recognize the fact that we could easily make each other crazy and then laugh about it, odds are that I will be more patient and you’ll decide a little more quickly.

Keep your mouth shut. Okay, I know you probably don’t need to be told this, but I do. Over and over again. “You don’t have to be right all the time, Carolyn,” I tell myself. “Even if you are right, you don’t have to be right.”

The impulse to argue is alive and well in most of us. If that’s the case with you, stop and ask yourself what’s more important: to win the argument or cultivate the relationship. Most of the time you’ll be better off if you opt for the relationship.

Recognizing and celebrating different behavioral styles is the hallmark of someone with excellent interpersonal skills and is good practice for all of us. And while it’s easy to understand, it’s not so easy to accomplish. The learning continues throughout our careers, and it never hurts to have a refresher course—either in the classroom or the laboratory of real life.

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You have just witnessed big-time small talk.  And that same scenario is true for all of us. A presentation starts long before people sit down at the conference room table.  The small talk at the beginning of a meeting – and for the weeks and months before that –establishes your personal and professional presence.  Your self-confidence shows and conveys that you’re comfortable, approachable and self-aware.  So in a way, small talk is one of the most important communications skills and sales presentation skills.   Certainly, it’s one of the defining characteristics of executive presence.

Even if you’re not making a major presentation, the ability to comfortably handle coffee-room small talk with your managers, peers and reports builds your credibility. It’s one of the leadership skills that builds trust in you and your abilities to connect, adapt and meet the world with confidence.

While some people seem to be natural at small talk, most of us need a little coaching and practice.  Even the people on TV have handlers who prep them and help them develop talking points.  Here’s a little small talk primer for all of us.

Prepare before you go. 

Brush up on local happenings or light news.  I know one woman who always skims the sports pages so she’s able to make small talk with her male clients. Read through a popular culture magazine for some timely topics. What are the reviews of a recent movie?  Check the New York Times best-seller list.  Restaurant reviews.  Even a recent news story – just avoid controversial topics or politics. 

Make business meetings work. 

 The small-talk time should be brief. Your goal is to establish rapport before getting started, priming everyone for a positive meeting. You might want to comment on the building or ask about the facility.  Notice an award or trophy.  You may also want to mention a colleague you have in common through work or your extracurricular life, if appropriate.

Networking events: relationships that get down to business.

All the topics for a business meeting are appropriate for networking events.  In addition, you may be able to chat about the purpose of the event.  Is it a fundraiser?  Talk about your and your conversation mate’s connection to the event.  You can share professional information (“What do you do when you’re not raising funds for the Cancer Society?”).   And, believe it or not, the weather is almost always a good place to start.

By the way, the goal of a networking event isn’t to build the fattest stack of business cards.  It’s about starting a relationship, so less may be more.  Make a genuine connection with someone, then exchange business cards as appropriate.

Ask a question.  Then really listen.

It’s what the teen magazines said about meeting people at your first high school dance.  And it’s still true today. Ask a question and you make a connection. Plus, you’re likely to uncover topics to keep the conversation going. 

Be sure you’re really listening, too.  Others sense whether you’re being genuine or just going through the motions.  You know the people who ask a question, then look past your left ear for their next target? Don’t be one of them.  Really listening means responding and having a dialog. It conveys authenticity and gives you a basis for future conversations. 

Feeling shy?  Breathe.  And smile.

Stand with an open posture and breathe deeply. A deep breath helps you relax, focus and smile.  If meeting people makes you nervous maybe the meeting organizer or the event host can introduce you to a few people to help break the ice. If you’re the person in charge, make that effort for others.  Some people get over their butterflies by setting a goal for the number of new contacts to make, and then make a game out of achieving it. Sounds less intimidating, doesn’t it?

Image by Pogorita