Forget the Messenger; Think for Yourself

Carolyn DicksonPosted by Carolyn Dickson on May 20th, 2010 | 0 Comments

It’s blazed across the headlines: Tiger Woods returns to golf! Sports commentators hold forth by the hour on the importance of Woods’ comeback to the PGA. And how that will affect their advertisers. “Will he or will he not retain his most important endorsements?” they ask, as if that makes a difference in the overall scheme of things.

Actually, it does make a difference, as advertisers well know and we, the public, have long forgotten (if we ever paid attention in the first place). Big names sell—regardless of the product and regardless of the price. Whether it’s a political candidate, a ten-million-dollar home on a private golf course, or an athletic shoe, if our favorite celebrity recommends it, we fall right in line and pony up our money to the cause. You’d think we’d know better. But we don’t.

It all has to do with likeability. Research shows that the more we like someone, the more we’re willing to accept what he or she says as the truth. Here’s how it works.

You can like someone and accept the message. This is where Tiger makes a difference to Nike, who at the time of this writing has reiterated its commitment to Woods as one of its main spokespersons. He’s a terrific golfer, we’re supposed to think. He’s good looking, I like him. Therefore, these must be great shoes. It seems ridiculous when we listen critically to the message and analyze how we’re processing the information. But it means big bucks to Nike.

You can dislike someone and disagree with the message. This is the stuff of smear political campaigns. The rationale goes like this: If one side can vilify a candidate from the other side, the sheep-like voters will drum him out of office. It’s so easy to fall into this trap. Even though I understand how this concept works, if I find myself appalled at the behavior of a public figure, it’s difficult for me to listen through my disgust to his or her ideas and judge them on their own merit.

The Greeks were well aware of this when news came of battles lost and they put the messengers to death. Kill the messenger! has become the battle cry of anyone who doesn’t want his or her ideas held up to the harsh light of day.

You can see how this plays out at work as well. If you’re in conflict with someone, or if you actively dislike one of your colleagues, notice how you almost always respond negatively to what that person says. It’s practically automatic.

You can like someone and disagree with the message. When like minds get together and hash out the pros and cons of a subject without getting personal, magic can happen. Ideas flow, and they can be turned inside out and examined thoroughly without anyone getting mad. It would be wonderful if all our interactions took place under such ideal circumstances. But unfortunately, this cannot always be.

You can dislike someone and still find value in the message. Yes, it can be done, but it’s not easy. It requires tremendous communication skills, especially the ability to listen analytically and separate ideas from personal biases.

If you think of this as a matrix with four quadrants, you’ll note that you’ll find yourself in one of these quadrants whenever you interact with someone else. It’s joyous to be around people you like and pretty much agree with all the time. High fives all around. And you will occasionally come in contact with a detestable someone whose ideas you abhor.

The trick is to be aware of where you are at any given time, and move yourself to one of the other, more constructive quadrants—like/disagree or dislike/agree—when it’s appropriate to do so. It’s the mark of an open-minded leader to be able to separate the message from the messenger and weigh ideas based on their own merit.

So check yourself. Have you joined the herd and are buying shoes, shampoo, or strategic ideas because Tiger Woods, a TV guru, or some other bigshot tells you to? Or are you listening carefully, thinking critically, and making your own informed judgments about what you hear?

Let me know what you think.

Image by _Blancinegre

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