Listening To Tough Messages

Carolyn DicksonPosted by Carolyn Dickson on March 10th, 2010 | 0 Comments

It’s easy to be a good listener when things are going well. You’re feeling great, you like and respect the speaker, and the news is good. In a situation like this, you’re able to pay attention and ask just the right questions. You’re even able to read between the lines and interpret what you hear in a positive, constructive way. Under these circumstances, communication is a simple task. But how open, calm and attentive can you remain when the message is not good news?

When a person hears bad news, alarm bells go off. The instantaneous reaction is: DANGER! Your mind races, your heart pounds, your hands get clammy and your stomach churns. You go into survival mode. “What about me?” your inner voice clamors. ”How will this affect me? What can I do to keep myself secure?”

We’ve been witnessing this emotional fight or flight roller coaster since the beginning of the recession. Every time the stock market drops, another local company announces layoffs or, worse, closes its doors forever, our thoughts race to how we, individually, can keep ourselves safe when life is spiraling out of control.  Every time we hear another piece of bad news, we must deal with our churning emotions and brace ourselves once again for sleepless nights.

When news is bad, there’s a danger of shutting down emotionally before the whole story can be absorbed. Clear thinking disappears, and it becomes impossible to reason oneself into a state of calm awareness. Certainly, when the message isn’t what you want to hear, mindful listening becomes more and more of a challenge. This is just as true at work as it is anywhere else.

A client relayed her experience of bad news that would have derailed her career had she not caught herself in time. It’s a good example of how we all need to listen carefully and respond with reasoned consideration when we’re hit with a very tough message.

Maria read the bad news in the morning paper. The company was closing her division. On her car radio, commentators were censuring the corporate decision in impassioned terms. By the time she got to work, she was in a state of panic. It didn’t help to walk into the office and find groups of anxious people buzzing with concern—each ugly rumor more frightening then the last. The entire office was in a state of meltdown.

At first, Maria felt herself losing control. Then she stopped and took a deep breath. Silently, inside herself, she acknowledged her fear, but made the wise decision not to let it stand in her way. Instead, she waited quietly in her office until the company meeting, where she heard her bosses describe the situation and lay out the facts. She listened with an open mind and, in so doing, learned things weren’t quite as disastrous as the reporters had made it sound. Over the next few weeks, she stayed open, studied her options, and looked for ways to salvage what she could. She was also careful not to get hooked into the gossiping and rumor mongering of her coworkers.

 As a result of careful listening and judicious decision-making, Maria accepted a transfer to a smaller division, where she eventually became its chief operating officer. A highly successful executive today, she looks back on that experience as a key step in the advancement of her career. She’s grateful she didn’t shut down initially from anger and frustration. She’s grateful she took the time to listen.

So, when you get hit with bad news, follow this helpful advice:

  • Stop, settle yourself, and take a deep breath.
  • Get the facts. Identify rumors for what they are, set them aside, and learn the real story.
  • Accept that the fear, anger, and frustration you feel is a natural part of your emotional state. But, don’t let those emotions drive your behavior.
  • Stay open throughout.
  • Weigh your options. Think them through carefully before making a decision.

Listening with an open mind, whether the news is good or bad, is the beginning of wisdom. Surviving the current onslaught of tough messages will be easier if you listen, learn, and take control of your emotions.

Image by mcbfly

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