My way or the highway? Not if you want to be effective!

Carolyn DicksonPosted by Carolyn Dickson on May 17th, 2010 | 0 Comments

It shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. I seem to have spent my lifetime learning the same lessons over and over again. Just when I think I’ve conquered a bad habit, it rears its ugly head and bites me where I least expect it.

I have just spent two weeks working on projects with diverse groups of people. At VoicePro, we use the DISC Behavioral Assessment to help clients understand how individual work styles impact relationships. It’s one thing to understand the DISC principles, another to know them well enough to teach them to others, and quite another to respond appropriately when the need arises in real life.

According to the DISC, I am highly results-oriented. At the start of a project, I want to come in, take stock, dive in, barrel through, and be done with it. No chit chat. No messing around. But if I want to accomplish anything, I have to remember: MOST OTHER PEOPLE DON’T WORK THAT WAY. So I must stop, press my reset button, and proceed with a softer touch. Sometimes, I can manage this quite well; at other times it’s not so easy.

Here’s what I’ve learned—or relearned—or re-relearned—about myself and how to work with others. And while my work style may be different from yours, the lessons I continually have to teach myself might be of value to you as well. I hope so, anyway.

Know yourself.  This is where the DISC Assessment and other “personality” type instruments come in handy. You can easily see how your personal characteristics have become your strengths and how, taken to the extreme, they can get you in trouble. Being results-oriented, I put my blinders on and head for the goal. I get a lot done that way. On the other hand, I must be careful not to ride roughshod over people in my zeal to reach the finish line. They tend not to like it very much.

With the DISC you are also able to see how other people differ from you. And how that’s all right. If we were all alike, it would be a pretty dull world. (And if everyone was like me, the details would be lost and gone forever.)

Don’t take yourself too seriously. This is important advice for me. Once I understand what makes me tick and I accept that reality, I need to lighten up. If I use my work style as an excuse for unacceptable behavior, I negate the whole purpose of the assessment. Instead, I can turn it to my advantage by recognizing the humor in the human condition—and in mine.

While you are settling down to analyze the situation, weigh all the arguments, and check your data one more time before making a decision, I’m probably tapping my foot, snapping my fingers, and muttering, “c’mon, c’mon,” under my breath. But if we can recognize the fact that we could easily make each other crazy and then laugh about it, odds are that I will be more patient and you’ll decide a little more quickly.

Keep your mouth shut. Okay, I know you probably don’t need to be told this, but I do. Over and over again. “You don’t have to be right all the time, Carolyn,” I tell myself. “Even if you are right, you don’t have to be right.”

The impulse to argue is alive and well in most of us. If that’s the case with you, stop and ask yourself what’s more important: to win the argument or cultivate the relationship. Most of the time you’ll be better off if you opt for the relationship.

Recognizing and celebrating different behavioral styles is the hallmark of someone with excellent interpersonal skills and is good practice for all of us. And while it’s easy to understand, it’s not so easy to accomplish. The learning continues throughout our careers, and it never hurts to have a refresher course—either in the classroom or the laboratory of real life.

Image by nickwheeleroz

 


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