Right or Wrong, Learn It Your Way

Leslie DicksonPosted by Leslie Dickson on May 18th, 2010 | 0 Comments

Have you thought about how you learn? Have you been faced with a task and the first thing you thought was, What if I can’t do this?

I often find myself in this trap…wondering, What if I do it wrong? or How am I supposed to do this?

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing it exactly the way you should be? Because, if you did everything right the first time, you’d never learn anything new. And who is defining the right way? What if your way is the right way?

 Sue Thomas is the owner of MAP.  She uses horses to teach people about leadership skills, collaboration, effective communication and team building. One morning, I was in her pasture with three horses and three other people to learn some new approaches to managing. My task, with rope harness in hand, was to go get Boss, a large, black gelding, and lead him back to Sue.

Now, I love animals and I am not particularly afraid of horses. So this was no big deal, right? I just needed to go and get him. But as I found myself walking towards Boss, I began to get nervous because the trap had taken hold. Was I going to do it right. What if I did it wrong? What if I looked foolish in front of the others?

When I got to Boss, I looped the rope around his neck and said, “C’mon big guy,” and walked back over to Sue. My legs were shaking so badly I could hardly walk. And I was so worried about doing it right that I couldn’t enjoy my connection with this big, wonderful horse. Yet I had successfully accomplished my task. So, what is my point in all this? My fear of being inadequate very nearly got in the way of my success. I was getting in my own way.

What thoughts do you have that get in your way? Try this:

  • Set a clear goal. If you don’t know what you need to accomplish, it’s hard to clarify your approach. I needed to get Boss and bring him back. This was very clear for me.
  • Tell yourself, until you actually believe it, that your way is the right way. You can approach a task quite differently from others and still be successful. You may even experience something new and different that surprises you. If I had taken this approach with Boss, I would have found joy in my accomplishment rather than feeling frustration and pain.
  • Take comfort in the fact that, most of the time, other people aren’t aware of your mental chatter and how it can undo you. The feedback I received from the others in the pasture was that I looked confident, comfortable and that I made the process look easy. They had no idea my knees were buckling under me.

When you are faced with something new and challenging, give yourself permission to do it wrong. Then enjoy the process of learning instead of beating yourself up over it. My lesson learned – I don’t need to be like everyone else. I can be different, which makes me unique. My knees can definitely support that.


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