Small talk: big leadership skills.

Leslie DicksonPosted by Leslie Dickson on May 11th, 2010 | 0 Comments

What’s your favorite talk show?  Now imagine authors, actors, pundits and celebrities strolling onto the stage.  They take a seat and exchange a few moments of banter before they launch into the real reason for their visit – selling you their new books and movies, ideas and merchandise.  Admit it…you usually decide in that first two minutes whether you’re going to stick around for the rest.  If they’re relaxed, knowledgeable and engaging, you’re in.  If not, you flip the channel.

You have just witnessed big-time small talk.  And that same scenario is true for all of us. A presentation starts long before people sit down at the conference room table.  The small talk at the beginning of a meeting – and for the weeks and months before that –establishes your personal and professional presence.  Your self-confidence shows and conveys that you’re comfortable, approachable and self-aware.  So in a way, small talk is one of the most important communications skills and sales presentation skills.   Certainly, it’s one of the defining characteristics of executive presence.

Even if you’re not making a major presentation, the ability to comfortably handle coffee-room small talk with your managers, peers and reports builds your credibility. It’s one of the leadership skills that builds trust in you and your abilities to connect, adapt and meet the world with confidence.

While some people seem to be natural at small talk, most of us need a little coaching and practice.  Even the people on TV have handlers who prep them and help them develop talking points.  Here’s a little small talk primer for all of us.

Prepare before you go. 

Brush up on local happenings or light news.  I know one woman who always skims the sports pages so she’s able to make small talk with her male clients. Read through a popular culture magazine for some timely topics. What are the reviews of a recent movie?  Check the New York Times best-seller list.  Restaurant reviews.  Even a recent news story – just avoid controversial topics or politics. 

Make business meetings work. 

 The small-talk time should be brief. Your goal is to establish rapport before getting started, priming everyone for a positive meeting. You might want to comment on the building or ask about the facility.  Notice an award or trophy.  You may also want to mention a colleague you have in common through work or your extracurricular life, if appropriate.

Networking events: relationships that get down to business.

All the topics for a business meeting are appropriate for networking events.  In addition, you may be able to chat about the purpose of the event.  Is it a fundraiser?  Talk about your and your conversation mate’s connection to the event.  You can share professional information (“What do you do when you’re not raising funds for the Cancer Society?”).   And, believe it or not, the weather is almost always a good place to start.

By the way, the goal of a networking event isn’t to build the fattest stack of business cards.  It’s about starting a relationship, so less may be more.  Make a genuine connection with someone, then exchange business cards as appropriate.

Ask a question.  Then really listen.

It’s what the teen magazines said about meeting people at your first high school dance.  And it’s still true today. Ask a question and you make a connection. Plus, you’re likely to uncover topics to keep the conversation going. 

Be sure you’re really listening, too.  Others sense whether you’re being genuine or just going through the motions.  You know the people who ask a question, then look past your left ear for their next target? Don’t be one of them.  Really listening means responding and having a dialog. It conveys authenticity and gives you a basis for future conversations. 

Feeling shy?  Breathe.  And smile.

Stand with an open posture and breathe deeply. A deep breath helps you relax, focus and smile.  If meeting people makes you nervous maybe the meeting organizer or the event host can introduce you to a few people to help break the ice. If you’re the person in charge, make that effort for others.  Some people get over their butterflies by setting a goal for the number of new contacts to make, and then make a game out of achieving it. Sounds less intimidating, doesn’t it?

Image by Pogorita

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