Where’s Your Reset Button?

Carolyn DicksonPosted by Carolyn Dickson on March 1st, 2010 | 1 Comment

My husband and I recently purchased a wooden wall sculpture from the folks at Story People. It’s made up of small blocks of wood in different shapes and bright colors designed to look like an abstract human being. It has legs but no arms, and an undersized, square, yellow head with a semblance of a face imprinted on it. Hinged on its chest is a turquoise door, and inside—written in childish block letters—are these words: He discovered his reset button early on & there were not many things that bothered him all the rest of his days just because of that.

How silly, I thought initially, but how fun. Then I changed my mind, because the more I thought about it, the more meaningful this simple statement became for me. Finally, I got to wondering why I felt this was such an important message.

What does the reset button mean in today’s crazy world? Technologically, to reset means to default to one’s original position. To go back to the beginning and start over. And looking back, there have been moments in my life when I wished I could go back and start again—do things differently or be a better person. But we can’t rewrite our personal history, no matter how much we would like to. In those situations, we can only hope we’ve learned from our mistakes and resolve to do better going forward.

Instead, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I can make use of the reset button in the present, during my everyday activities. Here’s what I’ve concluded.

  • In a heated discussion, especially when I have strong feelings about a topic, it’s way too easy for me to pre-empt other people and take over a conversation. “Well, tell us what you really think, Carolyn,” they often say, and I know I’ve gone too far. In those instances, it’s time for me to stop, sit back, take a deep breath, press the reset button, and re-enter the conversation with a more moderate tone.
  • When I hear unsettling rumors, or when someone declaims his or her point of view as reality, I can avoid jumping to conclusions by pausing, pressing the reset button, and listening critically. This means I will probe for facts and look for evidence that either supports or refutes what I’m hearing. At that point I can make decisions based upon my own knowledge, not the biases of other people.
  • When someone pushes my hot buttons (which happens more than I would like), I can use the reset button to keep me from becoming defensive. I can sit back, let go of the muscle tension that builds when I feel attacked, and breathe. I can then diffuse the situation with a bit of humor. Or I can simply walk away.

For me, having a handy reset button will keep me from over-reacting. For you, it might serve a different purpose. I’m curious to hear how it can work for you. Let me know.


1 comment

Deb Griest - 03.02.10 at 2:47 pm

Great post Carolyn. Hitting the reset button is so important in tense and challenging conversations. Hitting it is a skill many of us don’t have. Instead we just tend to repeat our messages louder and more forcefully, thinking that somehow they will be heard. We don’t realize that our approach is what blocks us from being heard and that we have the power over the reset button. Often we would rather blame the other party for “not listening” than take responsiblity and change our approach. I love the sculpture.

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